Hospitals.........Grrrrrrrrrr

So last night we spent 7 1/2 hours in the hospital because Bill went numb in both legs and had to miss a doctor's appointment. It was crazy. They did a bizillion blood tests, urine test, MRI and looked at the results of his last x-ray. They said there was nothing they could do for him and sent him home. It took 7 1/2 hours for that. How stupid can they really be? I would hope that if there were ever a real emergency they would look closer at it than what last night showed. The poor kids were going nuts waiting around.....although I will say they behaved very well. Bill became an obnoxious ass waiting around. I really hate it when he has to wait like that because he becomes down right beligerent. He is not a kind person at times like that. Sometimes I wonder how he could be the same person I married.

On the other hand though at least the numbness was documented for once. Otherwise the only documentation of it that we have is the book we write it in. I think that's why Bill hasn't gotten his SSI yet. There is not enough proof that he is having these problems. I wish he would understand that we need the proof of it happening but he just says it's a waste of time. I agree it's a pain in the ass to sit in the hospital, but the more proof we have of this happening the better. I just wish we could go in every time that it happens but our insurance wouldn't allow for that. As it is Bill has been having numbness in his entire right leg, back, part of the left leg and his right hand today. That was all at one time........not separate parts of the body throughout the day. It really sucks. I had to make him go to bed and lay down for awhile. That was at 7:30 and he's still in bed at 10:19. I guess he really needed the rest or else the numbness is still there. I know when I checked on him at 9:30 he was sleeping, but when I woke him he said he was still numb. So I guess for now I just have to keep checking on him and making sure he is all right for the time being. Sometimes the numbness takes six to eight hours to go away. During that time he is completely useless. The numb body parts don't function properly and often won't move. Try getting a 280 pound man from one room to the next when his leg won't move properly. I sure as hell can't carry him, but Roy and I together have had to carry him more than once now. I've even had the neighbor help me get him back in the house because he went outside to do something and went numb out there. Now he doesn't trust going outside much at all. I personally think he is highly embarrassed that the neighbor has helped get him back in the house or that he has had to sit outside for hours doing nothing but waiting for the numbness to go away because I couldn't get him in the house alone.

Today I am just thankful that Roy was home with Bill while I went grocery shopping. What would have happened to the two little ones if Bill went numb and he was here alone with them? They could have gotten outside and gotten hurt and he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it. At least now that I have a cell phone he keeps the house phone right next to him when I am gone and will call me the moment he starts to feel funny at all. That way I can run home to be with him and make sure he is all right and so are the kids. Before I had my cell phone I didn't go anywhere without my kids because I just couldn't trust that something wouldn't happen when he was here with the kids. Now I feel like I have a little bit of freedom. Before I felt trapped and smothered. Now I at least get a little bit of time to myself. I need that once in awhile. When I am with the kids non-stop for weeks on end I start to feel too stressed out and I don't do well anymore with that. I need at least a couple of hours to myself once in a while even if it is just to go grocery shopping. It leaves me feeling less stressed and much more able to deal with my kiddos.

Children and problems......

Well today Brett came up with an unknown swelling on his leg. Bill swears something hit the leg and I swear it's a bug bite with a nasty allergic reaction. I really wish I could believe Bill is right because I'm afraid of anaphalactic shock and breathing problems for Brett. Worst of all....if it was a bug bite we don't know what kind of bug bit him. Now I'm just nervous completely. I gave him Benadryl as a precaution and put an ice pack on the swollen part of the leg. I am hoping that this will settle it down. The swelling covers nearly half of the calf on the back. It is sickening to see. It looks just terrible. I feel so bad for him but don't know what else to do besides take him to ER. If it doesn't settle down soon that is exactly what I'm going to do with him. Right now he's sleeping off the Benadryl.....at least he can rest while this is going on. I feel like a train wreck. LOL

Yesterday I had to go to my cousin's graduation party (the kids stayed home with Dad). And it was very interesting. Dana was there and wouldn't even say Hello to me. I got to talk to some of the other family members though. That was nice. I got to see Bob and Shelly and all their kids. I got to see Dylan and Alexia. Grandma was there with Aunt Lynda and Uncle Eugene. I talked to Mike and Eugene for a while. All together it was a nice outing, but I could have easily thought of more fun things to do with some private time than to sit at Roy and Nancy's house.

Texas and children

My visit with my cousin from Texas is now over. She went home last Sunday. Yeah I know I should've gotten around to blogging this stuff earlier........but I've been uber busy. My visit as it was was absolutely awesome. I already miss Steph. But her kids are getting sooooo big already. I kind of expected Dylan's growth but I didn't expect Lexi to be as big as she is. That was a real surprise. I still have until August to pick up Dylan and Lexi and spend some more time with them. That should be really nice for the boys. They love thier cousins very much and were very sad when they left. I already miss Steph. It would be really nice to just pack up and go to Texas for a couple of weeks with her. But I know I can't do that. Oh well.

On to other topics. Sunday night Roy ran away for 2 1/2 hours. That was the worst 2 1/2 hours of my life. I was scared silly and cried a lot. I guess that was my day for tears cuz first I cried over Steph leaving and then I cried over Roy. It all started over Roy and Bill getting into it again and Bill telling Roy to get out. WELL....Roy did. Bill figured that Roy would just walk around the block for a while and cool off.....but no he took off. At 1:10 a.m. the police picked him up on Lafayette and Michigan. I'm sure he was headed for Rachel's house, but he says he wasn't. I was sooooo thankful that the police found him safe and sound that I just couldn't yell at him. Of course Bill did enough of that for both of us anyway. I guess that's why I'm so leinient on the boys.......Bill is a total hard ass. While Roy was gone I told him that and told him that Roy leaving was all his fault....which it was. I was sooo mad at Bill I didn't even want to speak to him the whole time. I was sad, angry and frustrated. I hate to admit that my child ran away but at 14 with a dad that is always in your face it had to happen sooner or later. I doubt this will be the only time it happens too, but I pray that it never happens again. I don't know what I would do if one of my boys took off and something happened to them. I know I can't take much more of this kind of crap. Sunday was probably one of the hardest days ever for me. I hated every minute of that day. Too bad I can't go back in time and keep Steph here and stop Roy from ever leaving in the first place. I am still stessed out and messed up over the whole thing. I just hate it and I hate Bill for doing it. If Bill weren't such a hard ass none of this would have ever happened to begin with. It royally sucks but I feel trapped here. Bill loves me but he doesn't show it and he is down right mean with the boys at times. He claims he has plenty to prove that I would lose the boys if I left him and that is my ONLY fear. I would leave in a heartbeat if I knew my boys would be with me but he will fight me all the way for my boys. I'm just beginning to wonder if I may have a few things against him that would help my case.

A visit from Texas....

Well my darling cousin from Texas is in Michigan for a week for vacation. We are having a great time. It just feels so natural to be with her again. She has stayed here three nights and we stay up late to talk and get up early with the kids and talk some more. Things are going great with her visit. I just wish she were staying longer. I would love to have her move back to Michigan again, but right now she seems happy in Texas and just visiting once every couple of years. Her kids are getting sooooo big now! I almost flipped when I saw Dylan for the first time when they got here. He was about 9 inches shorter when they moved to Texas than what he is now! I was amazed. And Lexi is just like her mom in every way. She acts like her and even moves like she did as a child. I know in years to come she won't want to hear that but it's the truth. She is what she is. I will definately miss them when they leave again. I know Steph leaves on Sunday and then the kids will leave in August. I will be seeing the kids whenever I want while they are up here. All I have to do is call Roy and I can go pick up the kids for a day. It will be nice for the summer.

Otherwise....Bill's disability hearing went so/so. I was really hoping to get an answer while we were there but that didn't happen. I am hoping that we will actually get the disability once they gather all the records that they want. Otherwise we will be losing the house or at least having to sell it and move up north. That's life though. I kinda wish we would move up north because I would at least be close to my mom for a change. I haven't lived close to her in about 18 years. I would love to make a five minute drive to my mom's any time I wanted to. That would be a huge change for me. I know that it would be hard living in the cabin because it is so small but we could do it. I know we would have to get a storage unit too but that's ok. We could afford a storage unit if we were living up there. The cost of living in the cabin is minor compared to what it costs us to live here. Right now my entire check is taken up with just the utilities not to mention the taxes, insurance and house payment. It really sucks. We don't get an extra dime to spend anymore. I really hate it. Disposable income just doesn't exist for us at this time. I really wish it did. Our lives would be sooooo much nicer if we could afford to go out to eat once in a while or to go clothes shopping just because we wanted something new to wear. Right now ALL our money goes into the house and nothing else. It sucks living this way. I want to have some freedom to do things or go places. That just can't happen right now but it could if we moved up north. We could do a lot of things if we moved up there. But then again that would mean leaving my son's girlfriend and leaving his school behind. He would definately baulk at that. He would hate me for it. But I think in time he would see how much better it would be. It would take him awhile, but that's life. It takes everyone awhile to adjust to a new setting and a new lifestyle. I would still keep him in football and he would be able to stay in touch with his girlfriend. He could call her whenever he wanted too so it really wouldn't be that huge of a deal and eventually they will break up and he would find someone in his new school. I know this being his first girlfriend it definately won't be his last. I just don't see that happening.

What a day........

I finally got to talk to Kathy today. She is doing ok. I have definately heard better news from her. Her bird died and she gained weight all in the same time period. She is not having a good time with her meds.

I took Brett with me to Wal-Mart today to buy locks. I have to padlock my fence gates to keep the kids in the fence now. They figured out how to get the old clips off so they could get out. Now they can't open the gates at all. Ha.....maybe that will teach them to listen when mommy speaks. I doubt it though..........

Right now DH and DS are out cleaning out everything from the truck so that my dad can take it home tomorrow. I didn't expect it to be gone so quickly, but that's ok too. Maybe my yard will look like a yard now. Granted I'll have to re-seed the whole area the truck has been sitting for 2 years. That's to be expected after this long. But hopefully it will be gone by weeks end! I can hope even though I seriously have my doubts about it. I figure it'll be more like a month before anything actually moves. That's about how my dad works! LOL At least I know what to expect.

Otherwise my day has been way too busy and wayyyyyy toooooo boring. I haven't had anything fun happen all day. At least I got to talk to my mom today. That makes me feel better.

Mother's Day

As we celebrate Mother's Day I reflect on the last year and how much my children have meant to me. There have been a lot of changes in the last year....some good and some not so good. But in any event they are changes that I would not have missed for all the world. My boys have grown bigger and stronger by the day. They are healthy and happy children and I could not ask for more. As I now give them their baths for the night I realize how wonderful my day has been and I am thankful.

Kids, Kids, Kids

Now that the weather is beginning to break I have the neighbor kids at my house ALL the time. It is rather interesting to watch Destiny and Devon and how they behave compared to my kids. They are nice children, but the two of them argue a lot. I guess that's because they are brother and sister. It is nice to have so many kids in the house though. And my boys are loving having Devon and Destiny to play with. It's really nice for me. I enjoy having lots of kids around. I always have. Our house has become play central for all the kids now. I love that. I would rather have my kids at home and playing than out in the neighborhood. At least this way I get to keep an eye on what is happening and who is bickering with who.

Otherwise, Bill's Social Security hearing is coming up and we have to be in Flint at 8:30 a.m. Thank God for my mom because she will be coming down to stay with the boys so we can go. I don't know what I would do without my mom helping me. I need to call her today too. I also have to call my cousin, Steph, in Texas. It's been awhile since I have talked to her. So far I am hoping the hearing goes as well as planned. I think all the new data will really help Bill's case a lot. That would really help us financially at this point. Maybe I would even get my new laptop comp! I really, really want that!I could do so much more with a laptop that I could carry with me whenever I have to sit and wait for Bill's appointments and such!

Life.....

Well, life is tedious at this point. I have not had a relaxing day in a week. Everyday has been something else. I have rarely had a break. I am exhausted right now. Oh well, such is life with three children and a disabled husband. My hubby has had a lot of numbness in the last few days. That just scares me. I always wonder what is going to happen next with him. I worry about him constantly but if I hover over him he throws a fit. He hates it when I am constantly asking him how he is feeling or checking on him because he's having numbness.

In other fronts I am feeling well and the strep throat is out of the house finally. I have been nervous it would strike for round 3 but so far so good and it's been about a month. I am happy for that at least. Now if I could get a day to myself it would be perfect! I need a day without Bill or the kids. Maybe tomorrow Bill will stay in bed and I'll get the morning to myself. I could hope anyway. Otherwise it's running the kids to school and picking them up and spending the day talking with Bill. I also have to do all my housework and such in what little free time I get. I hate it. My free time I should get to relax for a change not work my butt off. No one else in the house works as hard as I do so why shouldn't I get a break to relax at least one or two days a week? I only get three hours with Brett at school anyway so why can't I spend that relaxing some days? I want to just do my own thing and enjoy myself. I doubt I will get a day like that this week though.

Lies....

Well yesterday sucked! I found out my 14 year old boy has been lying to me for three weeks about going to Math Plus. Instead he has been hanging out with his friends. Then yesterday Math Plus was cancelled so he went to a school dance and in horse playing with Keegan he hurt Keegan and I was called to school to pick him up. Now my boy is in deep trouble here at home and is eternally pissed off because of it. Now no one is really getting along in the house. As part of his punishment for lying we cut his hair....it is butched. And it will stay that way as a reminder not to lie to me again. He will also have to write 7,000 times "I will not lie". 1,000 for every time he lied to me. I don't know what else to do with him. He's already grounded from his friends because of lying to us. Now we are trying this. I really hope it works. I think the biggest reason he lies to us is because my husband is so hard on him about everything. I don't care what it is my husband is rough on him. It really sucks because I can see this being a set up for my boy leaving as soon as he possibly can. I hate the entire situation. I sat and cried over this yesterday. It didn't seem to help my husband understand that he is causing this. My husband thinks it is just the way our son is. I really am getting disgruntled over all of this. Now my son is only allowed to go to school and come home. Nothing else in between. It sucks. I hate doing this to my child, but I know he needs a punishment to understand that he can't lie to us and get away with it.

In other news, my 6 year old got hit on the bus yesterday and got a bloody nose. I got called from school for that one too. All told yesterday totally sucked. I really hope today gets better.

Police tazer 15 year old and he dies

This week takes the cake. A 15 year old kid was put in handcuffs for fighting and then tazered by police. When the boy stopped moving or breathing no one was allowed near the boy to perform CPR and the boy died on the floor. Of course the boy was not pronouced dead until reaching the hospital, but he had already been dead for at least 10 minutes say eye-witnesses. This case greatly disturbs me. It happened on Sunday and today the boy would have turned 16. That is not what so greatly disturbs me though. First I have a 14 year old boy which is on the big side and would be taken for much older than what he is. Second, this is the second time our city police have injured someone while in handcuffs. What is the point of shooting (as in the first incident) or tazering someone after they are in handcuffs? This is an atrochious act in my opinion. I would love to see the officers involved in prison with the same scum they put there in the first place. Both of these officers deserve nothing better than a prison cell. I am disgusted and disgruntled that these are the people who are supposed to be protecting my family and yet they kill a child. I hope for nothing more than them to be incarcerated just like the criminals they are. Murder charges are in order here. All the officers on the scene should be charged as they are all CPR trained and refused to even attempt to save this child's life. They also prevented other CPR trained family members from trying to save this child. That is unforgivable to me. I hope they are all jailed and the key thrown away.