Abusiveness

I am now trying to define what abuse is. Is spanking a form of abuse? What about yelling? Is it more abusive to commit suicide and leave your children with a control freak or to be constantly fighting with said control freak? What about just wanting to walk out and never return? Someone needs to help me with this, but there is no one left. He took care of that too. I just don't know where to turn or what to do. I can't talk to my family about this because my mom thinks that if I got divorced it would be horrible and start all kinds of trouble for me. I don't have any friends around anymore. I am left to just deal with it. No one caring or understanding. Just me wanting death.